by Bonnie Garmus

‘There’s nothing more irritating than witnessing someone else’s unfair share of happiness, and to some of their colleagues at Hastings Research Institute, Elizabeth and Calvin had an unfair share. He, because he was brilliant; she, because she was beautiful.’

Elizabeth Zott is a chemist -a good chemist. Her problem is, she is trying to make her way as a chemist in the 1950s and 60s. Academic research – and many other arenas of life – are dominated by men who believe women should either be at home looking after the kids, or working as secretaries. At Hastings Research Institute, Elizabeth meets Calvin, a graduate of Cambridge (the English one), a Nobel Prize nominee and a rower. They fall in love and move in together. Though a happy relationship, it’s an unlucky one.

‘What Donatti didn’t tell Calvin was that a huge fly had recently landed in his get-rid-of-Evans-via-Zott ointment, A donor with impossibly deep pockets. The man had appeared out of the blue, two days ago, with a blank check and an insistence to fund … abiogenesis*** … So Donatti had no choice; he put Zott back on her ridiculous mission to Mars.’

When Calvin is killed, out running with their dog Six-Thirty, Elizabeth discovers she is pregnant. When her research is stolen by her boss at Hastings and she is fired, she devises a stratagem to survive, selling her chemist’s know-how to former collegues who are much less talented than she. Meantime, she gives birth to a daughter, Mad(eline), who turns out to be a precocious child prodigy. Elizabeth forges the birth certificate in order to get Mad into school. Issues with the schoolmistress lead to a meeting with Walter Pine, a frustrated TV programmer, whose daughter Amanda is also a pupil.

‘Frask thought about this. True. Zott wasn’t the coy type. She was obtuse, oblivious, just like the day when she had to be told that Calvin had left her a parting gift – a gift that was (how was this possible?) already in school and being picked up by the dog. Really?’

Recruited (for her looks, it must be said) by the TV station to host a cookery show, Supper at Six, Elizabeth refuses to conform to the head of the station’s expectations (that she be pretty and seductive). She converts her kitchen into a lab and sets about teaching housewives how to prepare nutritious meals in accordance with the laws of chemistry. Against her ignoring of all the misogynistic “rules” of the 1960s, the programme is a great success. Elizabeth becomes famous!

‘ [Elizabeth] shook her head in wonder. She had no idea why men believed women found male genitalia impressive or scary. She bent over and reached into her bag. “I know who I am!” [Lebensmal] shouted thickly, thrusting himself at her. “The question is, who the hell do you think you are?” “I’m Elizabeth Zott,” she said calmly, withdrawing a freshly sharpened fourteen-inch chef’s knife. But she wasn’t sure he’d heard. He’d fainted dead away.’

Told by her school teacher to make a family tree, Mad (aged 4) sets out to find the orphanage where she knows her father was brought up. She makes the acquaintance of the Reverend Wakely – who by his own admission is a terrible minister – from whence the plot takes on definite additional complications, but resolves quite nicely in the end.

I give here only a flavour of the story, backed by a few quotations, to let you know what you’re missing if you don’t read it. What else can I say about it? Lessons In Chemistry is the funniest book I have read since 1066 and All That. I loved the characters, especially Elizabeth and Mad(eline), but also Harriet – her sort of neighbourly babysitter (not that Mad appears to need one), and Miss Frask. Six-Thirty is the only one of his kind. Supposedly understanding 648 words of English (or was it 978), his voice in this zany tale is the zaniest voice of all. The dialogue is priceless, snappy, pertinent and full of fun.

Bonnie Garmus has struck a chord with this novel, and has probably struck a few raw nerves of men (including me) who remember what attitudes in the 1960s were like – in both academia and business.

‘ “I’m Reverend Wakely,” he whispered, nodding an apology to the frowning librarian. “From First Presyterian.” ‘

‘ “Mad Zott,” Madeline said. “Mad – like your magazine.” ‘

***

abiogenesis*** Look it up!